truth be told

I think my recurring mistakes were pretty obvious and that a friend was right when she said to me that the same problems will keep occurring to me until I attend to it and ultimately get it over with.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I've been pretty much running away like a coward all my life. So coward in fact that I can barely admit to myself that I've been running away from everything that hints the word “hard.”

I let people believe, through my words of advices, that I am a learned person through experience. I used to believe in that too, until I learned that I don't deserve such credit because I haven't really gained it yet-- I still haven't learned my lesson, or maybe I did but I was too frail to really live it all the way.

This is truth. And all this time I let myself believe that I know what my truth is. But now I realized that truth starts by being honest to myself, honest about my weaknesses, honest about what I really want in life and not what others think I am best at, honest about how I feel and expressing it just as it is when it comes, honest about my fears—like that of being fond of starting a fire and being afraid to put it out myself, afraid I might get burned if I did.

I think of all the countless times that I made empty promises with myself, but this time, this has just got to be it. There could be no other. This has to work or no other pact will. It's time to put the past to rest and finally move on with now. To pursue whatever it is I believe in no matter what. To not give up, because resting is a whole lot different from giving up.

If faith is what I lack, faith is what I'll seek. If I can't find it, I'll ask Him to search with me. There are s many things to learn about life. That just when we think we know it all, we're all but little dimwits at the end of the day. cos nobody really gets to know EVERYTHING---even until they die.